Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
