I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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