hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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