I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My liver just broke up with me...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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