So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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