Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can I color on your dick again?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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