I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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