Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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