we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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