it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
being pregnant is like rehab
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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