I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
