i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
God I need to hump something, right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize