I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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