i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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