Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
