Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He better not be in your backpack
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize