i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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