I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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