i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
