so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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