a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
