i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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