have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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