i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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