Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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