i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My bed smells like the plague
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
