I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
