We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
