Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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