During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
