She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
