If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there is puke in my bra ... again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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