We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
