no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
