margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
