oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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