Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
