White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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