I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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