I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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