lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
