He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
