You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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