it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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