how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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