I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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