There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
