Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
