the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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