The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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