Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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