so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
