My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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