i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize