Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
