We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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