I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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