is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize