i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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