she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
