Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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