two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
