They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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