Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
