is your mom at the bar?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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