My liver just broke up with me...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This house was built for laser tag.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize