I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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