Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
