I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
