shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
