You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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