I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
