i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
