Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
