A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
