So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize